Paul Rudd: Suspected Vampire. Or immortal being. Or maybe even a wizard.
See, Paul Rudd doesn’t really age. His unassuming and open face makes me want to trust him the exact same way I trust puppies.
So, what’s the secret? How come he looks the same now as he did 20 years ago?
The Paul Rudd meme has been around for ages.
Much akin to the “Keanu Reeves doesn’t age” meme, Paul Rudd has been suspected of being frozen in time for a while.
The internet loves a conspiracy theory, and so. Do. I.
After all, the evidence tends to speak for itself.
This is a twenty-year difference and the aging is barely noticeable. Maybe a few crows feet around the eyes, but that’s pretty much it.
The conspiracy theories are as real as they are hilarious.
Paul Rudd is a vampire. It's obvious.
— Ethereal Trash Fire (@etherealraccoon) February 25, 2019
But I really can’t see human puppy dog Paul Rudd drinking someone else’s blood.
He’d a least ethically source it and make sure that it was donated willingly. That’s the Paul Rudd thing to do.
Vinay with the real tea.
— Vinay A. Ramesh (@vinaytion) February 25, 2019
Unfortunately, this also counters his argument.
After all, beards tend to look better with age (this is a fact that I am just assuming we all agree with), so this definitely implies that Paul Rudd has passed time in some manner.
Clueless, but make it Gen Z.
Paul Rudd, what dark bargain have you cut with the Gods of Time.
— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) February 25, 2019
If they re-made Clueless right now, who would you cast?
You can choose whoever you want, either Gen Z or millennial, but the stipulation is that you have to keep Paul Rudd in the same role.
Anyway, now that we’ve established that the internet is obsessed with Paul Rudd…
Let’s get to the truth, the T, the facts of the matter.
At a convention, the cast of Clueless was reunited for a special panel. And an absolute hero to us all finally asked him the question.
Paul Rudd, why don’t you age?
And the answer is…
“I’m 80 years old on the inside,” he began, gesturing to his chest, where we now all know an 80-year-old heart of pure gold resides.
80 is the new 50.
“It’s a mess, underneath all — in here.” He pointed to his head, then his chest. “And in here. It’s pure darkness.”
I feel like we all should have seen this answer coming.
But wait, there’s more.
“And a little moisturizer.”
Considering most beauty gurus swear that moisturizer (and coconut oil) solve most problems, that totally checks out.
Slap a little moisturizer on in the morning and prepare to be ageless.
His co-stars piled in.
Breckin Meyer took up the mantel immediately.
“People don’t know. On the set of Clueless, they would come, and they would get us, like, 20 minutes before set. And then on Paul’s trailer, they would knock, like, an hour beforehand.”
And it got dark!
He continued, “‘Cause he has to finish sucking the lifeblood out of the babies he takes, in order to maintain. And then he was camera ready.”
I knew it. See, Paul Rudd is a vampire. #Confirmed
But Paul Rudd got the last word.
He casually slid in after Breckin’s joke, “Hey, it’s a tough business.”
It’s safe to say that the whole crowd loved it, judging by their cheers and laughs.
It’s also safe to say that Paul Rudd is totally a vampire.
Anyway, here’s a picture of him at the con.
— Matt (@multiverse_matt) March 23, 2019
The whole weekend looked fun af.
I wanna congratulate this group in particular for getting the best pose, and I wanna congratulate Paul Rudd on his perfectly befuddled expression. Thank you.
Experience the truth for yourself
— Carrie (@EvilVagenda) March 23, 2019
One lucky fan recorded the moment for all of us to see.
If you want to watch a group of people absolutely eat out of Paul Rudd’s hand, feel free to give that a watch!